2005-02-04 - chronic pain disorders rule
2005-01-08 - kissing lungfish
2004-07-10 - i learned it the hard way...
2004-07-09 - wishful dreaming
2004-05-18 - no, andrew, i didn't write this one either
2004-05-12 - finally, sleep.
2004-05-09 - feel like i'm fixing to die rag
2004-05-06 - love of the loveless
2004-05-01 - lobo's pretty much got it
2004-04-29 - waking up is harder when you wanna die
2004-01-08 - yes, it has come to this
2003-12-09 - let's spend the nite together
2003-08-30 - Gary Olympics Dyer and the attack of the 50-Ft. Beowulf
2003-08-20 - life as a ho
2003-08-14 - who put the coconut?
2003-08-11 - roly poly fish heads are never seen drinking cappuccino in italian restaurants with oriental women
2003-07-26 - black & white TV with the sound turned down
2003-07-23 - oops i did it again...
2003-07-16 - girls who park in cars are not REALLY popular.
2003-07-11 - FUCK DA PO-LICE!
2003-07-09 - this is the day that the lord has made. let us be glad and rejoice in today.
2003-06-29 - "your period comes out of your sex hole!"--me
2003-06-24 - let me see you shake your stuff
2003-06-19 - "quoth the raven, 'Lenore'!"--chris
2003-06-11 - SID RULES!
2003-05-25 - movin' on up
2003-05-17 - "what good is having a face if you're just gonna make the same one all day?"--mark
2003-05-15 - the ballad of clair de nipple
2003-05-11 - east. west. north. mouth.
2003-05-10 - and the lord said to abraham...
2003-05-07 - "let me hug your beautiful, wonderful body!"--me telling amy and erin what i'd say to adrien brody if i met him after he got beat up
2003-05-02 - "...gonna use my SASSY!"--rich
2003-04-28 - take a load off, fanny!
2003-04-25 - so young, so bad
2003-04-23 - don't be thinking that i don't want you cuz maybe i do
2003-04-18 - FUCK that ass! FUCK IT!
2003-04-03 - everything you do is quite angelicate
2003-03-31 - "i am 75% grandpa!"--matthew
2003-03-26 - "if anyone i know gets drafted, i'll break their arm!"--amy
2003-03-22 - "fudge off, ryan...not smart butt!"
2003-03-17 - "nothing is quite as distracting as a good burrito"--brandon
2003-03-10 - "i don't mind being white trash as long as it's with you."--james
2003-03-04 - look out baby, cuz here i come!
2003-03-04 - all sorts of light
2003-02-27 - "OCD is OK!"--the teacher of my starbucks class
2003-02-21 - there's no escaping the monster when the monster is you
2003-02-14 - paper lanterns
2003-02-12 - sex is better than dope...if you have the right pusher!--a shirt i tagged at work
2003-01-31 - boys don't 'sposed to get in leotards
2003-01-26 - "isn't lung cancer gonna be fun?"--matthew
2003-01-20 - it's alright...as long as you've got someone to lay
2003-01-15 - "if you wanna get a girlfriend or something, you don't go around saying like, PUSSY things and then adding 'bitch' to the end of it....that's not gonna get you laid!"--amy in a rare moment
2003-01-06 - hate every beautiful day
2003-01-05 - tom & don's clambake '77
2002-12-29 - this is all you need to see:
2002-12-24 - i'm as charming as an eel tonite
2002-12-23 - growing up, falling down
2002-12-20 - "she'll set em out with her knickknacks, paddywhacks, gives a dogs a bones"--erin
2002-12-19 - with the quickness...
2002-12-15 - "get your bagel off of my..."--my brother
2002-12-15 - "an inch of time is an inch of gold...in bed"--my fortune
2002-12-13 - cantsitstill
2002-12-12 - so far away from me
2002-12-11 - "i am turning into a grandpa ALREADY!"--andrew
2002-12-10 - "wiracle whip and a can of tun"--chris
2002-12-08 - jon spencer is coming back!!!
2002-12-08 - "life hurts less when you laugh at it"
2002-12-05 - "i know you got cheese over there! i SMELL you, rat!"--connie
2002-12-02 - "now i can lick a lollipop...ALL NIGHT LONG!"--joey
2002-11-27 - "mary had a little lamb...and the doctors be like 'WHAT?!'"--the perverted janitor at work
2002-11-24 - this is dedicated to the one i love...(cheesy i know)
2002-11-23 - "i am a marshmallow, and i am totally awesome!"--my mom
2002-11-21 - "don't be a pessimist, be...an optometrist!"--amy
2002-11-18 - "98 PIECES!"--rita
2002-11-12 - "elton john ain't no stupid dude!"--nick
2002-11-04 - in search of the ass-rot angel
2002-11-01 - "why's he such a butt?"--J.E.Hughes on the Nick Riley phenomenon
2002-10-24 - "so what's wrong with a little hey-hey?"--frank sinatra
2002-10-18 - "speaking of the fuckin' MALLEY!"--angie
2002-10-14 - "five dollars was a good snatch!"--erin
2002-10-13 - "give me a P!"--bob
2002-10-10 - "you know what's funny? we got evicted from here."--alan
2002-10-07 - "i'd rather be a riley than a stiner!"--amy
2002-10-04 - "if we had a piggy of the household, it would be alan!"--nick
2002-10-02 - "you have to shake your booty, and then TOUCH your booty, and then turn into a midget!"--darby's instructions for doing the barbie dance
2002-10-01 - b.b. king on blood glucose testing
2002-09-30 - "i gave her my heart and she gave me a pen"--lloyd dobler
2002-09-29 - "mom washes all MY cum-shirts!"--me to my sister
2002-09-28 - "you are bolder than buzzing bugs"--cap'n jazz
2002-09-25 - sickening bridge vs. horrible bed
2002-09-23 - i'm trying to say 'yesh' but i keep saying 'yesh'!
2002-09-19 - "can't you see that i want you to hear what i smell like?"--alan
2002-09-17 - "nick is the uncle jesse to kevin's joey!"--me
2002-09-10 - she looks so israeli
2002-09-05 - "sometimes i smell like vanilla and sometimes like grapefruit but never like pine."--someone from the Onion's Personals
2002-08-31 - "the more you have to pee, the harder you should stomp!"--nick
2002-08-27 - don't chomp on it yourself
2002-08-25 - if men truly ruled the world, people would never talk about how fresh they felt
2002-08-22 - "nobody wanted to sleep in a bed with nick because he pokes you with his toes and makes throat noises...and hits beth i guess"--erin brennan
2002-08-20 - you know you really hate your life when:
2002-08-16 - things found in a kitchen: mom
2002-08-15 - i smell i smell i am lonn
2002-08-13 - "maybe she shouldn't have walked through my burp!"--alan
2002-08-06 - "i will eat this ruler if you give me a ride to tati's house"--julia
2002-08-05 - can't talk to a psycho like a normal human being
2002-07-31 - beth dillon=8/ox
2002-07-28 - nothing like cow, but everything like Band-Aid
2002-07-22 - JUST BOX'S IN HEAR THANK "YOU"
2002-07-13 - there's no escape from the nick riley all-stars
2002-07-13 - the internet fucking sucks
2002-07-07 - who do you need, who do you love, when you're alan dunn?
2002-07-03 - "i'm a twiddler. i need to play with doodads!"--nick
2002-06-29 - mr. play it safe was afraid to fly
2002-06-25 - goodbye lakewood, hello walgreens
2002-06-21 - rubbin' around in dog food!
2002-06-17 - "apples...SHIT! toilet paper...SHIT! soup...SHIT!"--the tops cashier w/tourette's
2002-06-15 - "i wish i had a piece of THAT!"-amy talking about the cake, NOT james dean!
2002-06-12 - "People can NOT read the future. well, I can read the future, but i'm special."--Prof. Dyer
2002-06-10 - she's my tallahassee lassie...she's got a hi-fi chasney
2002-06-08 - "MOM! kenny's slapping me with the kielbasa!"--joey
2002-06-06 - got problems? need someone to help you hotwire a car? i'm your woman!
2002-06-04 - "look at her dead beaver face!"--joey
2002-06-02 - "eat SHIT, malone!"--me
2002-05-30 - "WHEEEE!"--skinny's hair
2002-05-28 - he keeps his mouth in the root beer position
2002-05-25 - "when you cry, i'm going to buy you jellybeans and beer for when you wake up"--haley
2002-05-24 - number one on the chartssssss.....bell biv devoe.
2002-05-23 - Estoy en las nubes
2002-05-20 - went to buffalo, NY
2002-05-18 - William S Burroughs, so why can't I?
2002-05-15 - "my name is Toybox Terry!"--matthew
2002-05-13 - "I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally."--WC Fields
2002-05-09 - this entry brought to you by: eric's awesome desktop publishing abilities
2002-05-05 - search for: best prices on bipolar symptoms
2002-05-02 - "i don't want to stink like oranges until i have to!"--me
2002-04-29 - 5:44 Isn't Nine Minutes After Anything
2002-04-26 - "damn rabbit! you smell like fuckin' PISS!"--gummo
2002-04-18 - what a lackluster sychophant i've turned out to be!
2002-04-14 - "i wanted to do 'i want you to want me' but they didn't want me to want it"--matthew
2002-04-13 - "fuck off, pelly osbourne!"--me
2002-04-08 - i am...
2002-04-08 - "i've never heard Versailles called 'Ver-sales'!"--mom
2002-04-05 - t-shirt idea: proud owner of a crash of 59 boyfriend
2002-03-31 - "i don't like her voice! she sounds like a door!"--amy
2002-03-30 - "mary, mary! why you buggin'?"
2002-03-28 - "i am the davy jones of my life!"--me
2002-03-25 - "thanks for the burgers, girl!"--aunt linda
2002-03-21 - "hey sweatpants! you girl!"--matthew
2002-03-21 - rip her to shreds
2002-03-19 - afihateallofthisshit
2002-03-19 - thanks be to gregory zerik. amen.
2002-03-14 - "you might as well get mad at a donut!"
2002-03-11 - "goin' somewhere, crankshaft?"--amy
2002-03-10 - "teapot...jujubes. office...submarine!"-KITH
2002-03-08 - "RAZMATAZZ! i should eat my nuts!"--andrew
2002-03-04 - the naked hoboes were right
2002-03-03 - girls: "genuinely" atrocious
2002-03-02 - "cheese hurts sometimes!"--matthew
2002-02-28 - "someone should make a chair out of you, i'll bet it'd be really comfortable"--matthew
2002-02-26 - i'm sorry, didn't mean to throw up on your shoes
2002-02-23 - tell me what i think
2002-02-22 - Spending the Night in the Law Library with Your Kiwis
2001-02-21 - these burgers...are CRAZY
2002-02-19 - "feeling a napkin makes me cringe"--joey
2002-02-17 - "so even if you say 'apple', he'll still say 'NYAPPLE!'"--matthew
2002-02-15 - "you can bomb the world to pieces, but you can't bomb it into peace"
2002-02-14 - Why Should I Deal with True Love When All I Want Is Corndogs?
2002-02-13 - jonny moseley's dinner roll
2002-02-10 - "bob is an equal opportunity lover!"--anon
2002-02-08 - john heard mary beth hurt nora heflin
2002-02-08 - i want to be a success and rub CASH in peoples' faces!
2002-02-07 - go back one for a real entry
2002-02-07 - and the weak will inherit the Galag
2002-02-05 - Iım Always A Step Ahead Of My Burritos
2002-02-04 - They Steal My Donuts, Then They Steal My Thunder
2002-02-02 - finally a separate rings entry
2002-02-02 - "hey! there's 4 of us, why aren't we walking abbey road style?"--andrew
2002-01-31 - confessions of a belch squelcher (or burp usurper, whichever you prefer)
2002-01-29 - one loves you, my old bean, baby.
2002-01-26 - "you will never be Mrs. Ruby BBMak!"
2002-01-24 - "were you there the day Rudy was wearing a red turtleneck and i called it his casing?"-Matthew
2002-01-22 - fidel castro has been a cruel prick to the US...or something
2002-01-21 - "when i get happy i just leak!"--becky
2002-01-20 - feet smell of honey & you may lick them when i blow you
2002-01-19 - "you won't choke on our pretzels!"--sign at entrance of malley's chocolates
2002-01-16 - do you like to own a blue soldier?
2002-01-16 - elusive title
2002-01-15 - "it's a prescription wig!"--"dana"
2002-01-12 - slicing up eyeballs (oh ho ho ho)
2002-01-10 - "It hasn't been my day for a couple years, what's a couple more?"-jawbreaker
2002-01-08 - "unfortunately, my pants fit awesome!"--j.e. hughes
2002-01-06 - those were the days crazy mofo
2002-01-05 - "intelligent girls are high on my list of hell yeah"--andrew
2002-01-03 - "sevennnnnnn of cluuuuuuuuubs!"--chris
2001-12-31 - "i got carried away on the day of the buttcrack"--me
2001-12-29 - hi-c and turkey...they go together like dr. pepper and trout
2001-12-27 - "i'm bow-legged!"-mike (with an x-mas bow stuck to his leg)
2001-12-26 - "if i seem like an authority on shrimp rinsing, it's because i am!"-me
2001-12-23 - "don't try to scratch your tonsils....via your butt!"-my dad
2001-12-22 - "this fits me like a second skin!"-erin
2001-12-21 - i'm in the NUUUUUUUUUUDE!
2001-12-19 - boiling water shouldn't make a stank
2001-12-18 - even tragic people need to eat
2001-12-16 - i was the white urkel
2001-12-15 - even my cat hates you and thinks you are dumb
2001-12-14 - i don't give a damn about my bad reputation
2001-12-12 - I Guess Those Aren't Complimentary Pumpkins
2001-12-11 - you are my itchy sweater
2001-12-10 - "75% of my life is danny FUCKING lahiff!"-me
2001-12-06 - never, never, never shake a baby
2001-12-04 - the sharp hint of new tears
2001-12-03 - i love you because you don't care when my zits look like george clooney
2001-12-02 - "i don't talk to black people on saturdays"-some (black) sears shopper
2001-12-01 - "3 goofy-looking dead guys slapping each other"-matthew describing the three stooges
2001-11-30 - gaygothiccowboy [10:54 PM]: i don't think any job will suit me unless it's rocking and rolling
2001-11-28 - "f-a-t FAT?"--keith
2001-11-27 - "do you know the muffin man?"
2001-11-23 - "LOVE those GHERkins MMM mmm MMM!"-aunt ginny
2001-11-22 - "a half-assed profile drawing of gentle beth" (by dave)
2001-11-21 - ruthie margaret patrick shaves her mustache
2001-11-20 - snowny the snowman
2001-11-19 - "don't call me vegetables, roy!"-jo polnicek
2001-11-17 - mysterious gift of cats has woman wondering
2001-11-16 - black coat, white shoes, clackhat, cadillac
2001-11-14 - you know that i know that you know that i know that you know
2001-11-12 - "how often does a nun tell you a secret?"-amy
2001-11-09 - searching erin's dairy for answers
2001-11-06 - let's all thank michelle by blowing loud farts
2001-11-05 - "cure fans are gross! they're like 'i want a smith's cock sandwich!'"-becky
2001-11-03 - "if i asked you to um...BABYSIT my feces, would you?"-kenny
2001-11-03 - "it has STALLONE!"-tung
2001-11-02 - "maureen's so lucky--she got to see how big a tortoise penis is!"--mom
2001-11-01 - my succotash wish
2001-10-31 - micky dolenz says: "modus TOLLENZ?"
2001-10-29 - "who's SEXMAN?"--uncle ed
2001-10-29 - walking through little italy last winter when i loved him
2001-10-28 - "be a weiner!" or, kevin costner to the rescue!
2001-10-26 - i love erasure
2001-10-25 - hellz YEA muthafucka!
2001-10-24 - "someone might have seen snarf"-my mom
2001-10-23 - "i live a life of events"-andrew
2001-10-22 - "it's too bad you can't stick to what fart you want!"-theo
2001-10-20 - "before we learn any more about Louis Armstrong, i have to clean the cheese from under my fingernails!"--me
2001-10-19 - back off bitch
2001-10-17 - get your soul off my leg
2001-10-16 - the airport is closed
2001-10-16 - hang on slopey!
2001-10-14 - "oh bloody period!"--lothario
2001-10-12 - i know i'm a sinner but i can't say no
2001-10-11 - talkin shit about a pretty sunset
2001-10-10 - i been downhearted baby, ever since the day we met
2001-10-08 - "i don't see any napkins, all i see are COOKIES!"--joey
2001-10-07 - we'll both live a lot longer if you live without me
2001-10-06 - things that come in threes...french hens
2001-10-05 - i'm a fuckface part 2
2001-10-04 - i'm sick of myself when i look at you
2001-10-03 - wake me up when you're fun
2001-10-03 - dave mason sums up my emotions
2001-10-01 - don't push the second apple button!
2001-09-30 - can't wait for columbus day
2001-09-28 - grape juice whitney
2001-09-26 - don't be the schnozz
2001-09-24 - "oh put a band-aid on it!"
2001-09-23 - we'll be finding new planets like popcorn!
2001-09-20 - 13 hours of sleep brought to you by sears
2001-09-19 - MESHELLMYBELLE!
2001-09-16 - pepe the giant prawn
2001-09-15 - i should be the polar bear, but it's impossible!
2001-09-13 - you can be in my dream if i can be in yours
2001-09-10 - my name is anne and i am walking. i'm walking and my name is anne.
2001-09-08 - don't you mess with cupid, SIS!
2001-09-04 - i always miss the fun stuff
2001-09-01 - "i don't know about you, but i'm having BIG FUN!"-carl winslow
2001-08-31 - porn star rotini
2001-08-28 - "MY foot KICK, MY foot STEP!"-a deejay from wzak
2001-08-26 - "i call it a snack!"-steve
2001-08-25 - it's better than love...it's genghis jon.
2001-08-23 - "i'm not easy...people just like me!"-me
2001-08-20 - the slightly arabic dan johnson imitator and more
2001-08-17 - shaved furball on rice
2001-08-16 - good morning mr. crabtree
2001-08-15 - the cheesy man is my sub
2001-08-14 - "how can you be angry in a birthday hat?"--joey
2001-08-12 - weekend part 2: hosting a smosting
2001-08-12 - weekend part 1: pretend we're dead
2001-08-11 - "i told a couple kids at band camp that my name is Jamal"-my brother
2001-08-10 - "my jawline needs defining!"--matthew
2001-08-09 - stop draggin my heart around
2001-08-07 - music and passion were always the fashion at the copa
2001-08-06 - "if it's not american, I DONT WANT IT!"
2001-08-04 - macy gets a carrot cake
2001-08-03 - "damn, a wallaby!"
2001-08-01 - death by cheeseburger
2001-07-31 - E:"you totally scratched my foot!" B:"it itched!" E:"i'll tell you if it itches or not!"
2001-07-30 - sign my guestbook foolish one
2001-07-29 - "beth, god didn't give up on you, why did you give up on him?"--kenny
2001-07-28 - talkin bout the blues
2001-07-27 - "SHOOBEDOOBEDAAAA!"--matthew
2001-07-25 - don't dream it's over
2001-07-23 - oompa loompa doompa dee doo
2001-07-22 - MLK Jr. in the Garage
2001-07-21 - Dave Doubles the Beef by Beth Dillon
2001-07-20 - "how do you see to sock it on?"-kevin
2001-07-18 - memories of what should have been and wasn't
2001-07-17 - dave foley, personal assistant extraordinaire
2001-07-15 - pootie TANG!
2001-07-14 - soldiers fighting at a potluck dinner
2001-07-13 - P.S. don't tell mom!
2001-07-12 - spank the berty birtds?
2001-07-11 - movin on up to the east side
2001-07-10 - the amazing falafel man
2001-07-09 - suturing the cottontail's ripped skin
2001-07-08 - we are the meninblack
2001-07-07 - i wish i could just say yes
2001-07-05 - the 4th of julie
2001-07-04 - ducking for nothing
2001-07-01 - "that movie's making me itch!"--my mom
2001-07-01 - i don't belong to you and you don't belong to me
2001-06-30 - lord have mercy on the boy from down in the boondocks
2001-06-28 - i gotta go grab my stuff
2001-06-27 - nothing happened today
2001-06-26 - "gives a whole new meaning to the term 'cock rock'!"
2001-06-25 - "CERVIX!"--kenny
2001-06-24 - holding stevie close
2001-06-23 - lackaWANNA?!?
2001-06-22 - sonic! he's got a bad attitude!
2001-06-21 - "OOOOOH MY CHICKEN!!! OOOOOH!"
2001-06-20 - became a stone for fear of being melted
2001-06-19 - your hair is winter fire, january embers
2001-06-18 - "...and PEACHES!"
2001-06-16 - "I'VE HAD IT!!!" lol
2001-06-15 - bb king lou diamond wilson phillips screwdriver
2001-06-13 - picture my face in your hands
2001-06-13 - poopy doopy schmoopy
2001-06-11 - "if you can hear it, you can feel it!"
2001-06-09 - "quote quote QUOTE!"
2001-06-08 - sausages are free!
2001-06-07 - eating ranch dressing with your 2 hands
2001-06-06 - tim miller, father of laura miller
2001-06-05 - the poopy suzuki
2001-06-04 - runnin around robbin banks all wacked offa scooby snacks
2001-06-02 - secret rockstar treatment
2001-06-01 - "hi gay andy pandy!"
2001-05-31 - "there'll be a low of 39 degrees tonight, with a funkyass moon"
2001-05-29 - apple cinnamon shave
2001-05-28 - boys kissing boys
2001-05-26 - shut up & sleep with me
2001-05-25 - practice tomar?
2001-05-23 - robert deniro is the perfect dad
2001-05-22 - the swedish is alone
2001-05-22 - another mexican period?
2001-05-20 - dead ant, dead ant
2001-05-20 - we all just wanna die a little bit
2001-05-19 - tongue-tied and twisted
2001-05-17 - two silhouettes on the shade
2001-05-16 - here i go breaking all the rules
2001-05-14 - driving crotchbound
2001-05-11 - i wanna be bad i wanna be bold i wanna be wiser--joey
2001-05-06 - it didn't have much of a plot
2001-05-02 - humpin' hobos
2001-05-01 - ketchup
2001-04-27 - maybe it's the best thing for you but it's the worst that could happen to me
2001-04-25 - outrage '69
2001-04-23 - i ate salad today, twice!
2001-04-22 - some days i sit and wish i was a kid again
2001-04-21 - bored@bobbys